As of recently I have been in contact with my two old friends, doubt and hesitation. Together this dynamic duo can make you reconsider your entire self-concept and everything you thought you knew. For the life of me I cannot understand why these two friends are back on my doorstep because they most certainly are NOT welcomed. My life is going well, and believe me it took a while to for me to say that and actually mean it.
God, the universe, and the stars have been working in cahoots building me as a woman. I can truly say that all of my experiences (good and bad) have brought me to this point and despite my fears I’m ready to risk it ALL to get where I envision. Over the past few months I’ve received blessings and opportunities that I know were made specifically for me… they had my name on them.
And although things have been on the up for me, last week I turned to my best friend and I asked her “Do you think I’ll be as successful as I want to be?”. Before the thought could even sink into the atmosphere she replied “Of course, it makes logical sense!”
At this point in my life it’s no secret that I have big dreams to be on stage. We’ve seen the narratives like Burlesque (2010) where the small town girl chases an “unconventional” dream that she can’t shake. It’s hard not to love the stories where the underdog succeeds on the first try because it gives us “regular folk” hope.
In addition to being a dreamer I am also a very literal person, meaning that I follow directions step by step expecting to get an exact answer, every time. That’s why I struggled in physics because I followed the steps exactly and almost always got the wrong answers. While my math/science skills are debatable I know that I can dance. So why is it that I’m still questioning myself?
It’s because as people we need reminders. Reminders of how far we’ve been brought and what we’ve been delivered from. I know all of my readers might not identify with Christianity but I know we’ve all had a situation that we are GRATEFUL to be out of. Our fast pace world makes us forget to give thanks for transformations in our lives even the small ones.
I did not entertain the idea of performing for a living until last August. Shortly after, I took my first Hip-hop class and I walked off the floor because I could barely retain the choreography. I felt embarrassed. From that point until now, I’ve joined Academy of Phresh a talent producing Hip-hop company, I competed in World of Dance, and performed in Phresh’s History of Hip Hop showcase. I was casted in every piece except for one, I even had a solo as a new member! In February I performed in the Raw Show Case with my sistHERs and not to mention my retention of choreography, quality of movement, and even teaching have all grown.
That didn’t even include the amount of rehearsals, Master classes, and personal dance sessions I’ve done! Listing everything shocked even me!
The point is whenever doubt and hesitation come around remind yourself about why you didn’t want them there in the first place. They distract you and block your focus. Consciously, I know that dance is what I’m best at. Consciously, I know that whatever I put my mind to I can achieve. But when we give into doubt we reserve parts of our mind for an unfulfilling life. We start pulling away from what we know & love and end up hesitating when we shouldn’t.
In Transformation Church ‘s Podcast, Pastor Michael Todd talks about being “Marked”. In this series he mentioned that “No wait, is wasted”. We are reminded 24/7 of who we are NOT. I get upset with myself and my process because I’m impatient and to be honest I’m tired of waiting.
When I connect with old friends they tell me the opposite, they say that they see my growth and are proud. When I take a step back, I see it too! I’m living in my purpose. I’m not where I want to be but…I’m living it. It’s not about how fast you’re going it’s about whether you’re going in the right direction. You’ll know because you’ll have everything you need exactly when you need it, not a second earlier or later. Which leads me to my Best Friend’s response:
It logically makes sense because since you’ve decided to go on this journey He (God) has been opening doors for you. Give yourself some grace and give God time.
So I leave you with the same words
Give yourself grace and give your process time. Don’t even entertain doubt & hesitation because they will always be knocking at your door hoping to get in!
Tea With Tati 