So much has shifted in my life, over the past couple of years I’ve morphed into an overall better version of myself. The foundation of who I am was always there, but trauma, unhealed wombs, and plain old immaturity derailed my journey. Tatiana in 2021 has boundaries, I respect myself, my time and most importantly, I require others to do the same. Prior to this point I’ve allowed people to track mud into my sanctuary. I’ve dealt with drama, I’ve put out other people’s fires and consumed myself with maintaining chaotic atmospheres. Figuring out other peoples’ bull is not glamorous nor is it rewarding. For survival purposes, I’ve made the necessary adjustments to protect my wellbeing, & when I’m well, I treat others well (so it’s a win, win, for everyone).
But what happens when those toxic situations come knocking at your door? Whether it be your family, friends, or even coworkers? Well folks I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to not answer. It’s your right to respectfully decline! Now, with that being said they have the right to their opinions but whether they agree or disagree they need to respect it. That is a non-negotiable.
Now to some, this may seem harsh, but I disagree. There is absolutely nothing wrong with establishing your boundaries clearly and respectfully…what’s really harsh is dealing with the aftermath of not establishing those boundaries up front! Decompressing from drama, renewing your energy, and re-establishing your peace take up so much of your time, time you could’ve spent doing ANYTHING else. In my early twenties I was so reluctant to draw boundaries with others because I was fearful that people would stop liking or loving me. Boundaries can be considered protection or even standards for yourself, I spent so much time compromising allowing people to cross boundaries, that I ended up drained, hurt, or frustrated. As I said prior everyone will not agree with certain boundaries you establish but hey sis, you know yourself best. Listen to you! If you end up falling out with family, friends, etc. it just reveals something about the relationship.
At the age of twenty-five, I’m still learning! I do not have it all together and sometimes I fall short of establishing these boundaries for myself. But I’m more aware now. I know what’s important to me, I know what is emotionally taxing, and I even know when I just need plain ole me time. Knowing what you need is important, if you don’t know right now (that’s okay). You may want to start off by journaling, start with a list of values that are important to you. After you’ve gotten that list down go back and begin crafting some boundary statements. For example you may write “honesty” on the first list and your boundary statement may end up being “I don’t want to talk about others behind their backs”. Just like that you have a better idea of how to establish your own boundaries. And when you’re in a situation where people violate these boundaries it makes it that much easier to exit stage left.
Becoming acquainted with yourself takes a while, it most certainly is a journey. But I promise you once you begin to know and value yourself you will go to lengths to protect it. Be gentle, be kind, but most importantly be honest with yourself and others about your boundaries.
Tea With Tati 