Stop Fighting It

I have been fighting.

My whole life I have been a firecracker and when I care enough I can become passionate enough to explode.  It can be A LOT  to handle, and often times people don’t know how to react when they first experience it. In my 22 years I’ve learned that I kinda have to regulate that, I can’t just be out here blowing up on people lol. And everyone does not deserve that type of energy !

For the last year or so I have been fighting a personal battle that has been time and life consuming. When I say I’ve been fighting I mean that I have literally been back and forth in my head about issues of worthiness. I (like anyone else) can talk for hours about the pain, who hurt me or what was said to me that embedded these thoughts in my head. But that’s not what I’m here for. I want to talk about the growth, there is much more value in that.

I was always under the assumption that if I was a quality person God would love me and give me perks. Like if I was a stellar student in school and a phenomenal daughter I would be set for life. That way of life worked for me up until both my parents got sick. And I damn near lost my faith when my dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I’m not going to lie I was mad with God, my life, and circumstances. What frustrated me the most was that I was a GOOD person. I thought that I earned God’s blessings and that I deserved better than this.

While I still do struggle with faith what’s different now is that I’ve learned that God loves me because of me. I do not have to earn it! And he loves you because of you too! God not only has a plan, he has a purpose for your life so just stop fighting it and let him do his thang! When that job turns you down or when that person stands you up it may not be a punishment it may very well be your blessing. But no as people we focus on what we lack rather than what we have in abundance.

I am not saying God gave my dad a terminal illness for the better. But when he was sick we spent and A LOT of time together and for that I am extremely thankful, grateful and allat.

I listened to a sermon by T.D jakes called God’s Agenda on youtube where he encourages us to let go of what we think should happen or how things are supposed to be (which I fall victim to).

What’s for you is for you and I promise you it will be based off of  who you are PERIOD, not merit. Food for Thought:  If God loves you for who you are why would you spend time convincing people that you are worth loving ?

You are more than worth it ! But you have to stop fighting yourself and God. Just take that first step to practicing faith and one day you’ll look up and 6 months would have passed and you’ll be a veteran.

Today I will sweeten my tea with:  Submission and Faith