4/10/18

On April 10 I had a very unintentional, intentional conversation.

Someone I loved told me “You cannot pour your heart and soul into every single relationship”. For me that was difficult to hear because that’s exactly what I do, every person I call my friend, sister, or brother can have my last. In result I leave empty, frustrated, and judgemental of the person and their character.  

People WILL disappoint you, they WON’T pull their weight and they may even be mean too (it’s human nature we all fall short at some point). Although it’s frustrating it’s important to learn not get so worked up and bent out of shape because of it.

I get so emotionally invested in others that I get my feelings hurt when situations don’t mimic what I envision. For so long I’ve looked at people who’ve disappointed me and felt sadness that evolved into bitter anger.

It was not until after this conversation that I realized that I am going to burn MYSELF out!

Some relationships are surface level, some are deep, some may change, some may not, some may last a lifetime, and some may only be for this season.

Despite the uneasiness of the unknown it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world.  Worrying changes nothing! Focusing on regulating my own energy is what’s important.

Really finding my peace.

There is power in having a choice and I am learning to choose what best serves Tatiana. I’ve compromised my personality, speech, and damn near my entire existence hoping to change people and I end up being hurt. Since the playground I have always had this captain save a hoe mentality and today I realized a lot of my pain was self inflicted.  

My goal for the future is to protect my peace and my energy! On this journey to loving me wholeheartedly I want to preserved what I’ve worked so hard for. No one deserves to intimidate you or frustrate you. In order to protect your own energy you have to decide who and what deserves your time and energy.

Today I will sweeten my tea: By choosing how to disburse my energy.