Forgiveness

Within the past couple of months, the word “forgiveness” has been placed on my heart. I believe that it’s been placed there because I, myself, have been challenged to forgive. We often fail to see that forgiveness has levels to it, and in turn, that lack of understanding separates us from the possibility of ever finding a resolution.

I’ve witnessed people grasp onto pain so tightly that it became a part of their identity. It turned into a permanent crutch that justified there toxic thinking and behaviors. I’ve also seen people so overwhelmed by their hurt that they spent more time suppressing, than working through. 

I am guilty of both.

I’ve used people’s perceptions of me as ammunition, so devastated by what they said or did that I spent a great deal of my time proving to people I was this and NOT that. Instead of moving forward and acknowledging that their opinions are just that … opinions. I’ve fallen victim to repressing some of my most heartbreaking moments, ill-equipped to handle them I just didn’t. Years of my life went by avenging people’s inaccurate opinions and blocking any direct contact to my heart.

In hopes to learn more about forgiveness I researched by reading, listening to sermons, and just having soul-filled conversations. First and foremost I learned that forgiveness takes some big cojones, it is NOT for the weak. It takes strength to truly let go let go of the situation, and release the emotions attached to it. Holding on to hurt changes you, it sucks the light and joy out of your life. It’s an anchor to your ship, as much as you’d like to keep going forward you can’t, the strongholds keep you stagnant. 

TD Jakes encouraged me to look at the person as a person, and not the situation. As my Granny would say, “Everybody’s got a story”. Even if you don’t know what it is, just know that everyone has something. It in no way excuses the behavior but it does give you insight on the “why”. Isolating the person from the event, helps put a stop to it. I have replayed situations in my head (after it was dead and over) and felt the same intense emotion that I felt the day it happened. My body would tense up and my mind would become cloudy. I’d be mad about the things I didn’t say, the hurt that wasn’t expressed and BOOM now I have a headache, which PHYSICALLY alters the rest of my day. 

Not forgiving does that, it gives power to your pain.

I mentioned earlier that I’ve been challenged to forgive, but in the same breath I’ve been challenged to love. I treated learning to love and learning to forgive as two separate journeys until I realized that in order to love (truly) I needed to forgive (truly). I couldn’t be vulnerable with someone if parts of my heart were bruised and barricaded from the world. I want to love with no limits and reliving the past prevents me from doing that, prevents me from engulfing myself in the love that I prayed for and deserve. 

I’ve seen how unforgiveness has ruined people. Your feelings are valid but are they self-serving? We are the authors of our lives and we have the power to live in our destiny. When we let our tresspasses dictate our lives we can never truly thrive, we’ll always be a slave in one way or another. I forgive, and I ask God to take the lead in areas that I struggle with. I want to use my power to lay down the foundation for happy living NOW. Forgiveness is a process but it starts with deciding to let go. 

“Learn the art of forgiving and forgetting…Forgetting is the art of mentally, psychologically, and emotionally disconnecting with a certain reality”  (Cindy Trimm, Hello Tomorrow)